Just Say What You're Feeling
by Katycat1970
Summary: Will & Mac at the end of Episode 10.


**Hello all - My holiday has made me forget where I was going with my other story so I thought I'd write this little piece in the time being until I can get back on track!. **

**You'll probably recognise the first little bit of this then it turns into what I would have liked to happen!**

**I hope you like it...**

**Katy**

**x**

* * *

Will stared at Mac in utter amazement and then at the pad she was holding – the all too familiar words that had started the whole North Western rant staring back at him...

"It was you?" he asked in disbelief and got the simple answer of "Yep" from Mac who was looking very pleased with herself...

A moment passed before he said it again... "It was you" he said simply but in a different tone of voice – still not believing what he was seeing...

"Yeah" she answered even quieter than the last time... "You're melting now aren't you?" Mac asked with a slight grin on her face... "Your heart is full..."

Mac gazed up at the man she loved - the man she had hurt so badly over the years but she was convinced that was all behind them now – she was so relieved she had finally told him about her being there that day at North Western and from the look on his face she was certain he was about to kiss her at last...

"Just say what you're feeling..." she pleaded - her heart about to implode in her chest if he didn't say something soon... Mac had waited for this moment for fifteen long months – fifteen months where she'd dreamed of him holding her close again – fifteen months where she'd imagined every night what it felt like to have his lips caress hers again... fifteen months where she'd regretted her mistake every single day and fifteen long months where she had waited for him to make a move – the move had to come from him – although she was pretty sure he wanted to be with her again she had to be assured from him that he was ready for them to be together again.

She watched as he started to raise his hands as if to cup her face and her heart fluttered in her chest with anticipation...

"Why the FUCK didn't you tell me"? Mac was bought out of her daydreams by his harsh tone and she inwardly sighed as his hands dropped to his sides...

"I was waiting for the right time..." she replied – her voice tinged with frustration...

"Fifteen months ago was the right time..."

"No" Mac almost whined….

"It was you..."

"NO – it was you Billy... I was just producing" she stated boldly before her voice softened again...

"What did the rest of the message say?" she begged – desperate to hear from his mouth what she suspected the message had said – why couldn't he just say it again?... Mac waited and waited but still he didn't say a word - he just stared at her and for once Mac couldn't read him at all – his face gave nothing away...

"Please Will" she repeated again – her voice barely a whisper...

The sadness and vulnerability written all over her face tugged at Will's heart but for some reason he couldn't find the words – it had been so easy to say when he was stoned – why couldn't he just say it now... He desperately wanted her to know he still loved her, he knew he could make everything alright again by pulling her into his arms and holding her for the rest of his life but he just couldn't find the words she needed to hear...

"Billy"...

There was a single tear rolling down her cheek and this simple tear tore at his heart strings... Will took a deep breath as if to say something - he had to say it now – she was giving him the perfect opportunity but then he let the breath all out again without uttering a word. After a moment or two longer he looked away from her and sighed... "Mac... I... I truly don't remember any more – I was high..." he whispered – shaking his head and annoyed with himself for his inability to tell her what he wanted to...

"Bullshit" Mac shouted shocking Will with her tone of voice and the look of anger on her face... "I don't believe you... For fuck's sake - why can't you just say it – stop all this messing around – it's gone on long enough..."

"Mac – this is hard..." Will started to reply but was cut off by a furious looking Mac...

"I'm sick of this Will... we've been playing this pathetic game for fifteen months now" she exploded... "I can't take it any longer... YES – I messed things up before and you know I'm desperately sorry for that – I've told you that hundreds of times... For Christ's sake - I've put up with all your bullshit since I've come back – I've taken everything you've thrown at me – your wretched contract changes, all the digs and jibes you've thrown at me – God – I even put up with fucking Brian hanging around here mocking me and seeing just how pathetic I've been because you wanted him here to punish me and - Yes – I'm still here like a pathetic loyal puppy dog... I've never once complained... I've taken full responsibility for everything that's happened over the past four years but still we're doing this stupid dance Will... What more do you want from me? You're a fucking idiot sometimes – you know that?" Mac screamed losing all control completely...

Will tried to hold her by the shoulders to calm her down but she shrugged him off in an instant and stormed towards the door...

By the time she reached the door she turned and looked towards him – calmer now but still desperate for a reaction... desperate for him to say something – for him to make it right again... Still nothing came from his mouth as he gazed across at her and Mac had truly had enough...

"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry? I can't make it any clearer... You know how I feel about you and yet you still want to punish me..."

"I don't want to punish you" Will muttered meekly but Mac wasn't really listening...

"I think I know how you feel about us but you have to tell me Will – you can't just keep me hanging around here on the off chance you may want to try again – it isn't fair to either of us..." her voice was low and raw and it was filled with sadness and regret...

Mac sighed and let her head drop... She stood there for a minute or so with her back turned to him and for once she was lost for words - she had no idea what to say to him. She was so close to telling him she was leaving – that he could find a new EP but deep down she knew that wouldn't solve anything - she wanted to stay - she loved the job and more than that she loved him. With her spare hand Mac wiped the tears that had streamed down her face and made up her mind that to go was the only viable option – whatever the consequences. She'd had enough of making herself look pathetic in front of him and everyone they worked with – she loved him more than she'd loved any other man and she was ready to commit to 'forever' but she couldn't do this to herself any longer – it hurt too much...

Just as she was pulling the door open she felt two strong arms land on her waist and pull her back into the room... The door slipped shut again and all Mac could hear was the sound of his raggedy breathing in her ear. She stood completely still for a moment - she didn't dare breathe – she didn't dare talk for fear of her emotions cracking completely. Finally, she let her instincts take over and leant back against him – absolutely desperate to feel his body next to hers...

As her body fell against his, Will let out a long and relieved sigh... He softly kissed the back of her head and took a deep breath... "Please Mac... Don't go..." Will finally stuttered - his voice laced with emotion... "I need you"...

She sighed – relieved he had stopped her going... she leant back into his body even further and then turned herself around and pulled him into a long hug... She closed her eyes and in this position it was easy to let her anger melt away. Her face was pressed tightly against his chest and she could hear his heart thumping away inside... Feeling bad for causing this whole outburst she wrapped her arms around him as tight as she possibly could placing tender, gentle kisses on his chest to try to ease his angst.

They both stood wrapped in each other's arms letting all the emotions of the last few minutes wash over them - they didn't utter a word and they didn't move a muscle. Finally, Will pulled away slightly and gazed down at the woman he loved with all his heart... He took another deep breath – scared out of his life but knowing it was now or never...

"The message said..." he stopped and lowered his gaze to the floor...

"Just say it Billy... please... for me..." Mac urged softly – the tone of her voice and the look in her eyes convincing him it would all be ok if he'd just say it...

"The message said that I still love you... and have never stopped loving you" he stated simply and so quietly that Mac could only just hear him...

Will took a deep breath relieved that he'd finally said it – his heart was beating so fast that he wondered for a moment whether he'd end up back in the hospital... Mac couldn't remember a time when she'd felt so relieved about something - for an instant she wondered whether he'd really said it or whether it was her mind playing tricks on her again. She looked up at him and saw his watery eyes gazing back down at her...

"Really?" was all she could manage to utter in reply and Will smiled tentatively as he nodded his head in assurance... "Yes... really"... he replied quietly...

"Say it  
again" Mac whispered - she'd dreamt of those words for so long she had to check if it was real...

"What?" Will asked surprised at her response...

"Say it again"

"Why?" he replied – slightly stunned at her request...

"Because I like the sound of it" she said with a small smile dancing on her lips...

Will felt more confident now – seeing and feeling her response... "The message said that I still love you... and have never stopped loving you" he repeated louder this time and with a smile spreading across his face... Mac couldn't help herself as the tears streamed out of her eyes again and rolled down her face – there was that gorgeous, special smile she hadn't seen for years and it was aimed at her – it was always just for her... Such a simple sentence had never sounded so wonderful to her - she'd honestly never felt happier in her life...

Will smiled again feeling more alive inside than had had for years - he'd finally managed to tell her... For a man who was supposed to be able to talk his way through any given situation he knew he hadn't been very eloquent in what he'd said but to them both it was all that was needed...

"I love you Mac..." he whispered softly pulling her back into his arms and burying his head in her neck... "I have loved you for a very long time" he added placing long, soft kisses up and down her neck between each word... After a couple of moments Mac pulled away and gazed up into his eyes which looked happier than they had in years...

"About time you admitted that Billy" she replied jokingly as he tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear... He smiled at her again but she could see the smile was hesitant - he was waiting for a reply...

"I love you too" she stated simply placing the most gentle of kisses on his lips before wrapping her arms around his neck and stretching up to kiss him again – this time longer and harder... "I've never stopped loving you either..." she added as she pulled away – her need for oxygen taking over her need to kiss him. They weren't apart for long as Will returned her kiss with a sense of longing and love all the time trying to control his emotions - he felt like his heart might burst with happiness any moment now... Sensing from his kiss he was feeling vulnerable and worried Mac kissed him again before looking him directly in the eyes...

"We can do this Billy – I promise we can... we can fix it all – all the hurt and lack of trust – it can all be forgotten - I know it can" Mac whispered as she stroked the back of his neck affectionately... "I know it'll be hard at first but we have to start afresh – as if we've just met - not try and pick up where we left off ..." her voice trailed off at the end and for a moment she looked hesitantly at him... "You have to believe me Billy... You do? Don't you?" she asked worried that he was having second thoughts already...

The kiss he pressed onto her lips relieved her worries immediately... "Of course it'll work" Will whispered – his voice sounding so very sure and so convincing. He kissed her again lovingly on the lips hoping to express through that one kiss just how much he loved her...

"True love always wins" he added and pulled her in for another long hug... With his head buried in her neck he was determined that they'd make it work - he knew she was right in everything she'd said – she was like the other half of him and he just didn't function properly without her. They'd been through more than enough torment over the last four years –Will decided in that moment that it was time for their happy ever after and he'd do whatever it took to make sure they both got their happy ending.


End file.
